Friday, February 18, 2022

German Humor is no Laughing Matter

 I disagree. The Germans do have a sense of humor, and the jokes told during the worst times of German repression (the Nazi and East German years) are witness to that. Jokes were told about Hitler and the Stasi when they were in power.... they just weren't told within earshot of untrusted people. The jokes were referred to as whispering jokes (Flüsterwitze) and some of them are pretty funny. 

Here are 2 Nazi-era jokes that quietly made the rounds:

Adolf Hitler was scheduled to visit an insane asylum and the workers drilled the patients in how to salute and say Heil Hitler correctly. After repeated training, they seemed to get the idea. Hitler makes his visit and the patients are lined up, and sure enough they give the Hitler salute while shouting Heil Hitler. But the Fuhrer notices only the patients are saluting, not the doctors or nurses. He pulls some of the doctors aside and asks why they are not saluting.

Mein Fuhrer, they explain. We are professionals. We don't belong with the madmen.

... And another:

A lady has a parrot and it overhears her saying Down With Hitler! (Nieder mit Hitler!) Worse, it learns the phrase and one day, while at the window, clearly says Nieder mit Hitler. A neighbor overhears the parrot and reports her to the Gestapo, who come and interrogate the Frau. She denies it and luckily, the parrot is quiet during the interrogation. Still, they don't believe her and tell her to appear with the parrot in court the next day.

As she is walking to court the next day, she walks by her church minister who asks why she looks so glum, and she tells him the story. He tells her to switch the parrot with his and then there will be no chance the parrot will give her away. She follows him home and they switch the parrot, and she continues to the courthouse where the court is waiting for her.

Again, they accuse her of teaching her parrot the words and try to coax the parrot to repeat them.

First, the prosecutor shouts at the parrot Nieder mit Hitler, but the parrot says nothing.

Then, the Judge shouts at the parrot Nieder mit Hitler, but again the parrot is quiet.

Soon, the whole courtroom is shouting Nieder mit Hitler at the parrot ... and then the parrot says

The lord hears our prayers.

The East German jokes were also whispered and there were people that actually spent years in jail for telling them. The Stasi had ears almost everywhere and telling jokes that made fun of the state was not tolerated. One of the hallmarks that West Germany used to learn how the East German population felt was to collect and categorize their jokes. You can find many of them with a google search, but here are a few of the better ones:

Two East German border guards are conversing one day. One asks the other how he views things. The guard replies "I think ... " and is interrupted by the first guard. "That is enough, I now have to arrest you..."

Here are some about the Trabant 601, the car most East Germans had. Any car was hard to get In East Germany; the wait was long and the Trabant was comparatively expensive compared to wages.

How did the Trabant 601 get its name? 600 people ordered it and 1 actually got it.

A man driving a Trabant suddenly breaks his windshield wiper. Pulling into a service station, he hails a mechanic. “Wipers for a Trabi?” he asks. The mechanic thinks about it for a few seconds and replies: “Yes, sounds like a fair trade.”

How do you measure the acceleration of a Trabi? ...With a diary.

Why don't criminals take hostages in East Germany? ... What kind of criminal would wait 14 years for a getaway car?

General Secretary Erich Honecker and Stasi head Erich Mielke are discussing their hobbies. Honecker says  “I collect jokes about me.”  Mielke replies: “Well, we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who tell jokes about you.”

Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live.

Two inmates in the Bautzen political prison are talking about their sentences. "How long are you in for?" "Five years." "And what did you do?" "Nothing." "Can't be. For nothing you get ten years!"

An East German Judge walks into the cafeteria of the district court bent over with laughter. Other judges and lawyers ask him why he is so amused. "Oh, comrades, I've just heard the latest political joke!" "Tell it to us!" "Unfortunately, I can't do that. I've just sentenced a barber to two years of prison for telling it!"

And last, if not least ...

What is the definition of the Five Year Joke in East Germany?  ...Three years in prison for telling it and two years for all who listened and laughed.

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