A New Mental Disease in America

Never mind the predictions of climate change destroying us; we are facing a much larger problem at the present. There is a recently diagnosed mental illness afflicting millions of Americans at present. Most of the afflicted do not even realize they are infected, but almost all of them display symptoms of some sort. Upon discovery by renowned researchers in the field, this disease is now known as Trump Deranged Syndrome, or TDS for short. Victims of this mental disease have been diagnosed in all 50 US States and many parts of Europe; to date, most continents have turned up at least some people exhibiting the systems of TDS. Remarkably, Russia has been spared from this disease so far, probably due to the high consumption of Vodka, which for reasons not yet known seem to have spared their citizens from coming down with the disease. That, and they don't speak English very well.

This disease presented itself in Autumn 2016 and spread rapidly after election night of the same year. TDS is unusual in that it can manifest itself in many different ways, including but not limited to:

• Extreme depression, lack of energy, lethargy, and/or intestinal distress
• Violent mood swings
• Increased urge to riot, burn and destroy
• Dressing in unusual apparel meant to mimic female genitalia
• Sobbing, crying, sitting down in public and shouting NO, NO, NO at no one in particular
• Increased social media interaction, commenting on or sharing memes of left-leaning websites
• Delusional behavior resulting in imagined conspiracies, such as Russian election interference
• Believing impeachment of a sitting US President is the only salvation for America
• Desiring bigger government with higher tax rates
• Emotional outbursts when apparel known as MAGA hats are displayed
• Ejecting peaceful customers from restaurants for their political beliefs
• Shielding faces with hoodies and do-rags while rioting
• Refusal to believe facts such as stock market increases and low unemployment numbers

TDS has been studied by population, and certain commonalities have been noted:

• States known as "Blue States" contain a much larger affected population
• Large urban areas contain the largest numbers of afflicted
• Coastal regions are very susceptible
• The entire western coast of the continental US is grossly infected
• People with college degrees are much more likely to contract the disease; the more advanced the degree, the more susceptible the individual is
• Media and newspaper reporters are especially vulnerable
• The less common sense an individual has, the more likely they are to contract the disease
• Journalism schools appear to be able to spontaneously germinate the disease in students
• Many victims still live with their parents long after adulthood, often for decades

Noted psychologist I. Dunno Feelgood of St. Bedlams Institute for the Mentally Disturbed says this disease is hard to treat and the prognosis for cure is poor. He also predicts the disease will spike in 2020 to higher numbers then ever before, and then almost completely disappear on or about January 20, 2025. A new variation of the disease is expected to emerge at that time.

Various treatments and medicines have failed to lessen the devastation TDS wreaks on its victims. If you encounter a person with obvious TDS, you are warned to limit your conversation to talking about puppies and the weather. Anything beyond that may trigger an uncontrollable TDS seizure, which has the effect of bringing a euphoric sense of victory to the victim while causing normal sane people to question how many brain cells are left functioning inside the cranium of a TDS victim.

Let's be careful out there, folks. This disease is dangerous.